Raising a Child the Xhosa Way: It Takes a Whole Village

In Xhosa tradition a child does not belong only to the parents. As the saying goes, umntwana ngowesizwe – a child belongs to the nation. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and neighbours all help shape who that child becomes.

Welcomed to the family and the ancestors

Soon after birth, a mother and baby often stay indoors for a time of rest and protection. Later the family performs imbeleko, a ceremony that introduces the child to the ancestors and to the clan. From that day the child carries the family’s isiduko and praises.

Knowing your clan name

Children learn their clan name and praises early. In the Khwalo family that means knowing Mzangwa, Ncuthu, Mlanjana. When a child greets an elder by clan name, it shows respect and tells people exactly where that child comes from.

Respect – intlonipho

• Greeting elders properly and using titles such as Tata, Mama, Tatomkhulu and Makhulu.
• Not interrupting adults and listening before speaking.
• Receiving things with both hands as a sign of thanks.
• Any adult in the community may correct a child, and the child is expected to listen.

Learning through work and stories

Children are given duties from a young age – fetching water, looking after younger siblings, helping in the kitchen or herding livestock in rural areas. Around the fire, grandmothers tell iintsomi (folk tales) that teach honesty, courage and kindness.

Growing into adulthood

As children grow, rites of passage guide them. Boys prepare for ulwaluko, after which they are treated as men with new responsibilities. Girls may go through intonjane, where older women teach them about womanhood. Both mark a move from childhood into a respected place in the family.

Raising children in Soweto today

City life, school and technology have changed a lot, but the heart of it stays the same: love, discipline, respect and knowing your roots. Many Soweto families still travel home to the Eastern Cape for ceremonies so their children stay connected to the land of their ancestors.

How were you raised? Share the lessons your elders taught you so the next generation can carry them forward.