Strongholds That Break Marriages: Demons, Tokoloshe and the Spirits That Divide Families

This article is written from a Christian faith perspective as part of Khwalo Production’s conversation about faith and culture.

In many African homes, when a marriage starts to fall apart, people whisper: “Kukho into” – there is something. Some blame a tokoloshe, a jealous relative, a curse or an angry ancestor. Scripture agrees that there is a spiritual battle: “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers” (Ephesians 6:12). But Scripture also teaches that evil works mostly through strongholds – patterns of thinking and living that give it room (2 Corinthians 10:4–5). Here are the strongholds that most often divide couples, and how to break them.

1. The stronghold of fear

Fear of the tokoloshe, of witchcraft, of curses and of offended spirits keeps couples living in anxiety, buying protection and suspecting everyone. “God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7). A home ruled by fear cannot rest in love.

2. The stronghold of suspicion and accusation

One of the most destructive patterns is blaming a spouse, mother-in-law or makoti of witchcraft. Satan is called “the accuser” (Revelation 12:10). When couples start accusing instead of talking, trust dies. Never accuse a person of witchcraft; it has destroyed families and even cost lives.

3. The stronghold of divided loyalty

“A man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife” (Genesis 2:24). Marriages suffer when a spouse is ruled by family pressure, money demands, or rituals the couple does not agree on. Honour the family, but the marriage must come first after God.

4. The stronghold of mixed worship

Many couples go to church on Sunday and to the sangoma or prophet-for-hire on Monday. “No man can serve two masters” (Matthew 6:24). Muthi for love, luck or to “tie” a husband opens doors to bondage and confusion. Love that is forced by charms is not love.

5. The stronghold of lust and unfaithfulness

Adultery is often blamed on a spell, but Scripture says “every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust” (James 1:14). Pornography, secret relationships and the “nyatsi” culture are doorways that the enemy uses to break covenants.

6. The stronghold of anger and abuse

“Let not the sun go down upon your wrath: neither give place to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26–27). Unresolved anger gives the devil a place. Violence is never a spirit to be prayed away alone: if you are being abused, seek safety first and contact the GBV Command Centre on 0800 428 428.

7. The stronghold of alcohol and addiction

Strong drink, drugs and gambling waste the family’s money and turn loving partners into strangers (Proverbs 20:1; 23:29–35).

8. The stronghold of money and greed

Debt, hidden spending, lobola disputes and fighting over inheritance divide homes. “The love of money is the root of all evil” (1 Timothy 6:10).

9. The stronghold of unforgiveness and bitterness

Old wounds that are never healed become a “root of bitterness” that defiles many (Hebrews 12:15). Bitterness speaks louder than any tokoloshe.

10. The stronghold of silence and pride

Many couples, especially men raised to never show weakness, refuse to talk or seek help. “Pride goeth before destruction” (Proverbs 16:18).

How to tell spiritual attack from everyday problems

• Look first at what is visible: communication, money, faithfulness, alcohol, in-laws, health.
• Do not blame a spirit for a choice someone is making.
• Do not blame a person for a spiritual problem.
• Pray, but also act: talk, repent, forgive, get counselling and medical help.

How to break the strongholds

• Put God first together. Pray and read the Word as a couple (Ecclesiastes 4:12: a threefold cord is not quickly broken).
• Close the doors. Remove charms and muthi, renounce mixed worship, and end secret relationships.
• Speak the truth in love. Confess and forgive (James 5:16).
• Leave and cleave. Set healthy boundaries with family while still honouring them.
• Resist the devil. “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (James 4:7). Greater is He that is in you (1 John 4:4).
• Get help. A trusted pastor, elder couple or trained counsellor. Seeking help is wisdom, not weakness.

A word to Soweto families

Our grandparents survived apartheid, migrant labour and poverty, and many marriages held together through faith and community. The same God who kept them can heal our homes today. The tokoloshe has no power over a home covered by Christ.

Khwalo, Mzangwa, Ncuthu, Mlanjana.